Tag Archives: writer

2016

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We are almost at the end of a 9-year-cycle.

For me, being born in 1980, this is the 4th one coming full circle…

As I was crying last night, going through this past year – which has been one of the toughest ever in so many ways, yet a wonderful magical one – I found myself lost between gratitude and hopelessness…

These last few days it’s like I’ve re-lived everything that has happened, not only this past year, but this whole 9-year-cycle, in a fast-forward-way. One moment super happy, the next one immersed in sorrow…

The conclusion, if any, is that it all needs to go through the system fully, so it can evaporate and resolve, so I have space for the new. But, it also reminds me that I am so much more in contact with how I feel these days, than I was 18 years ago, or even 9 years ago. That is such a treasure!

Through Meisner-technique, yoga, snowboard, surf, theta-healing, becoming a silversmith, painting, playing with my god-children, living in different cultures etc, I have met myself, seen myself, experienced myself more fully. For that I am forever grateful.  I feel free.

I’ve practiced to dare more, to be courageous, to go with the feeling all til the end and sit with and experience whatever’s there… anger, happiness, curiouity, sadness, resentment, joy, fear… the list is endless and I will keep on keeping on until the end… learning more with every breath and through whatever is mirroring me – people, art, mother nature…

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For so many years I was this strong person that could do everything, deal with anything, overcome anything, build up anything, learn everything… I still am, it’s just that today, I have merged that with my super sensitivity more. I trust my intuition, I dare to feel along the way, to surround myself with what makes my heart sing.

I know now, when things feel good, when I’m scared of the unknown but should keep going, when I am not supposed to be somewhere or stop doing something that doesn’t serve me or anyone else anymore…

My soul, spirit, essence, has grown so strong, that whenever I try to go against it, my body resists… that’s why I can move from NY to Stockholm within 5 days… There is a knowing and trust that is physical AND spiritual at the same time… the IS-ness, whether one likes it or not, feels uncomfortable with it or not – IS there! I’ve learnt that surrender and acceptance is key for me…

I truly know and trust on a whole new level now. That trust is a gift. That knowing an asset. They´re treasures. Something magical that cannot be explained. I have lived, I’ve gained these treasures through everything that I cry and laugh about, through everything that has hurt me, everything that has filled me with love… That’s why I cry and laugh within an instant these days…

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As we have the New Moon tonight and as we step into the 1 of a new cycle (next year 2+0+1+7 = 1 + 0 = 1), I made a list last night, of  big and small things, that I wish for my in life. Things that I wish to focus upon for the start of this next 9-year-cycle….

As I read through the list, I realized that there was a common thread, a seed, a core value underneath everything… The quote from Nayyiirah Waheed above, reflects that…

I wish to meet more people on the bridge… people that dare to welcome the unknown, even if it means walking slow short steps with tears in their eyes, they’re still willing to keep going… because there is a knowing and a trust within, playing like a gentle smile upon their face and their eyes sparkle of curiousity and love glitters in their eyes…

2017.

I pray.

May this be the year.

May this 9-year-cycle be laid upon a foundation of extraordinary love.

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Transitions

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photography: www.cheriecherokee.com

———

I need to breathe fresh air
Hear the wind
Feel the morning mist cover my face
Touch the mountain and the texture as I climb to the sky
The scent of wet forest
The dew on my clothes as I sit down
I need a good swim in the sea, to feel my body cleansed
All these thoughts dissolved
All impressions on my skin fade away
Pure freedom
I’m reborn

———

I woke up earlier than I thought today.

Just had breakfast.

Now drinking coffee, writing, reflecting over life and these past days…

I’ve felt so agitated and slept weird lately…nightmares mixed with beautiful dreams.

A lot of cleansing going on in my subconscious.

During the daytime I’ve been irritated by so many things, people, places, crowds…

And I’ve been supersensitive to sounds, energies and words…

 

My mom always tells me that when I start to dislike things that I usually love – I need to slow down…I’m getting drained.

She is so right, that is a great sign for me, to retreat and sit back…

That is a beautiful moment to be cherished, before moving on…

Contemplating…

Recharging…

I need some quality-time by myself, with my heART and with my loved one…

 

It’s been a little too much lately.

School, plus a lot of moving around since I was in between apartments, the financial situation was a bit tricky…

I had a skin-reaction to some bites that turned out really nasty…

You know, a lot of things at the same time…

We all have those moments now and then, it’s part of the circle of life…there is night, there is day, there is ebb and flow, seasons change and we grow…

This too shall pass.

 

I am in a major transition in my life right now.

I’m skinless, so therefore I need to take more care.

Prevent myself from harsh environments, people, words, venues etc…

 

Life is life, with all the colors of the rainbow.

I’m gonna sit back for a while and just watch that spectra.

Life is beautiful.

I am so grateful for what have been gems to learn from, what is right before me this very moment and what is waiting around the corner…

 

Become your dream

D

 

go with the flow…

…a phrase that’s been worn and torn, used here and there, everywhere, in a lot of different ways. One thing’s for sure, it has various meanings for each and everyone of us.

Some of us use it

  • when we just don’t wanna think about any consequence an event or action might have…
  • when we talk about our lifestyles…
  • when things just happen that we can’t predict and finally find that accepting is the only way, kind of like being forced to ”go with the flow”…
  • to remind ourselves to live in the moment…
  • to describe how it is to drift like a dry leaf in the wind and wherever the wind blows that’s where one’s supposed to head…

the list of variations is endless…

For me “go with the flow” is linked with how to become your dream. To me it means intentions set in freedom of creativity and to let them unfold the way they are “supposed to”. This means that I trust that there are energies and powers surrounding me in the Universe, that help me and act through me. I know that the Universe hears my intentions, when my intentions are clear! I just have to be open to the various ways they are manifested…and usually it happens in ways I never could’ve imagined…and sometimes even through injuries or sickness if I haven’t paid attention to a change that’s been needed for a greater manifestation.

To be open to this and let things unfold freely, to let dreams come true, to dare beautiful people to step into my life, to see great opportunities show up, to know when to move on to the next thing, to feel when to let certain people or situations go in life, to hear the guiding tunes etc…that is for me to go with the flow. And in my heart I do believe that things always happens for my highest and best in the long run, even though I might not understand everything at once. But that’s just secondary anyways…it’s all about the journey, isn’t it?!…

This is my truth, this is what my life is about these days. But, it hasn’t always been this “effortless”, even though it started out pretty amazing while growing up in the countryside, I too have had rocky roads to walk…and as life unfolds its changes for me, I’m sure there are still a few to face.

 

But just watching this amazing cactus by Hollywood-lake, inspires me even more to believe that we can become our dreams…nothing can stop life…not even a fence or a wall. When life has a direction, an intention, it finds its own way to make it… just go with the flow

love,

seaturtle

Love Your Life, Act Out Of LOVE

I’ve been trying to write this post for about two weeks now. It’s just been growing and I’ve found myself censoring parts and being unsure whether I should post it or not, in fear of being too negative… (haha very contradictionary since some of it is about being truthful and courageous…). But I wanna share this since it’s something very important, something that is not just bothering me from time to time, but a lot of people surrounding me have expressed the same disappointment…so here it is:

Love Your Life, Act Out Of LOVE

…that’s how I wanna roll on a day to day basis. That’s what I find being one of the most inspiring qualities with friends and people surrounding me. All that courage and unconditional love they show in life through their relationships, work, fearless change of directions, how they appreciate themselves and how they nurture their lives. Bliss right there! The ripple effect that vibrates, from someone who loves himself/herself so much that there’s overflow to share with others, that’s just so beautiful and alive.

I just got back to Sweden after a couple of months in Los Angeles, one of my favorite places on earth, one of my homes. Every time I’m there I learn so much, I feel so much, I progress so much, I am ME so much. There’s just a great energy and openness, plus it is the epicenter of spiritual/healing-work, as well as of artistic/creative-work. So basically everything I love to do and learn is there, plus the spectacular nature with the ocean and the mountains…it all is healing to me. California love… just like my teacher Larry Schultz said on the first day of the Yoga Teacher Training last fall: “I think everybody should live in California at least once a lifetime – what you learn here in a couple of months takes years in other places…”.

Before I flew to the City of Angels on feb 12th, I knew this trip was gonna be something new, something special, a new era coming in, with new people crossing my path. I got on the plane with an open heart, my guitar, a suitcase and a big smile on my face.

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As soon as I landed on LAX, picked up my car, and drove north on PCH 1 to my brother in Oxnard, I felt home. I know this place. I know the roads, I have had everyday-life here so many times…it just feels so effortless, so easy and natural to be in Cali.

To be one with the sunset and the sunrise here is just amazing.

The main reason for going to LA this time, was to attend a 10-week course in Meisner-technique (acting-technique) at the Meisner Center in North Hollywood. The teacher, Martin Barter, assisted Sanford Mesiner (the founder) for 14 years!!

I first got in contact with this technique in 2009 when I went to the New York Film Academy in LA, where Anthony Montes was teaching Meisner-technique. He’s an amazing teacher and through his passion for this work I found what I was looking for. This authenticity, this truthfulness… I fell in love with this way of working. I just knew I had to dig deeper into it as soon as there would be time and money…

In the 10-week- intensive, we pretty much finished the 1st year. It was an amazing journey, difficult and effortless at the same time. Best thing I’ve ever done! Learning to live truthfully and reading off of people’s behaviours as well as my own, are amazing tools to have in life whether we work as actors or not.

While doing this Meisner-intensive I also did Thetahealing, “Singing from the heart”-sessions, yoga, voice-coaching with Bob Corff, plus major OSHO-studies. They all rocked my world beautifully and brought me closer to the centre of my center, while encouraging me to: be truthful, live now, from moment to moment, be ME to the fullest. Life-changing months, both emotionally and spiritually.

It was INTENSE…it IS intense…it is LIFE!

So…

Two weeks ago I had a couple of “mellow days”… As the days passed I observed what was going on inside me. I noticed a profound disappointment and sadness. As I dug deeper and remembered what had happened during these days, what had triggered all that pain und zu weiter, I encountered “a disappointment in humanity”, a deep “sadness” of witnessing how we as human beings often “act out of fear” and how that destroys moments that could have been shared and honored out of love. Beautiful moments lost in fear.

The things we say, the choices we make, the actions we do, our behavior that arises from different shapes of fear – they all have consequences and outcomes, whether we like it or not. The law of cause and effect…

Fear has many different shapes, shades, nuances…Fear of being betrayed, fear of being the best, fear of loving someone else, fear of receiving love, fear of not fitting in, fear of being wrong, fear of being vulnerable, fear of eating the wrong food, fear of being lonely, fear of failure, fear of wearing the wrong outfit, fear of being yelled at, fear of not being good enough, fear of not knowing what’s gonna happen next, fear of moving on, fear of accepting things the way they are…etc. the list is endless…

F – false

E – evidence

A – appearing

R – real

FEAR is disguising our true essence, FEAR puts up facades around us so we can’t act 100% truthfully and out of love. It takes balls, it takes courage to share love unconditionally, it takes vulnerability. Yet, in a lot of communities that is looked upon as weakness. BULLSHIT I say!!

Anyways,

it all escalated for me one afternoon after 3 different occasions/moments/actions

  • a phone-call from a friend
  • some thoughtless phrases a man at school said
  • watching a 4-year-old homeless little boy saying “FUCK YOU” while a man pulled the boy’s braids…

Three different “irresponsible/wasted” actions, big or small doesn’t matter, regardless of which category you would like to put them in, they still had the same things in common – waste of love, waste of life, waste of time…

The friend who called just spoke about nonsense for quite sometime, when there could have been beautiful true moments of sharing love and pure energy. The man at school was just another face of someone being outside of himself, off centre, and acting out of fear when there could have been moments of understanding and getting closer. The little street-kid’s way of saying “FUCK YOU” to that evil and fearful man, was the most intense and profound way I have ever heard anyone speak those words – so much resentment, pain, sorrow, disappointment, grief and tiredness expressed… That evil man could have given the boy a hug or just a soft touch on the head, a kiss on the cheek…

The reason why this all triggered and drained me was firstly, cause it was such a contrast to a constant flow of lovely days with loving people crossing my path, and secondly, cause I’m part of this humanity too. I’m part of this society, this world we’re living in. I have felt like the little kid. I’ve been acting out of fear. I still feel disappointed sometimes. I still act out of fear from time to time, even though I’m practicing everyday to speak honesty and sharing positive energy.

But this old “programming” from education and societies reflects through me as well sometimes. I just don’t like that. I’m reprogramming and I’m hoping for a ripple effect.

In school and society we are taught to be “smart” as in being intellectual rather than intelligent, have knowledge rather than wisdom…to know a lot about everything, to give the right answers, to compete, to fit in, to learn social codes, to be better, to try this and that to become better persons and more skillful people… Through my eyes we are taught to be mediocre, half-asleep, to DRIFT FURTHER AWAY FROM THE UNIQUE PERSON YOU ARE, be less you and more of nothing, be less you and more of everything else…

As a grown-up person I’ve started to reclaim that UNICITY I have. I’ve reclaimed that genius within me, that owns intelligence and love as a birthright. I’m a guru again, a goddess, a beautiful human being that’s more aware, that remembers what it feels like to act out of love, intuition and instinct. And thanks to people around me that DO ACT OUT OF LOVE, I’ve remembered what it is to live like that…one of my best friends and businesspartners Natasha Kothari at LOVE WARRIOR ARMY, was the first person who stepped into my life as a grown-up and said “you are love, we all are, so just BE LOVE”…

Imagine if that would be the base, if that would be part of education, part of society: the human normact out of love.

Are you acting out of love? Next time you say something to someone, look yourself in the mirror, comment on someone’s work, the way they dress, or give something away, or even just share a thought with yourself or someone else – take a second and ask yourself “am I doing this out of love for myself/ this person and for the love of life”. If the answer is yes, do it! If there is just a little doubt…take a second, the time is yours…how can you honor this particular moment out of love…your inner teacher will guide you if you let it…

We are human beings. We have feelings. That’s beautiful. We are all unique. There is noone in the whole world that is exactly like you! So forget about the “stick-with-the-program-and-everything-will-be-all-right”-attitude we’ve learnt in school and society…there is no textbook solution to life. There is no specific path to follow if you’re a free human, if you’re a robot yes there is, but if you wanna stay human, you have to look within you for your unique way. Find that unconditional love for yourself, then share it with the rest of the world. We all have courage inside of us, why not use it to the fullest!?

It’s your life. It’s your time. Sometimes life’s a storm and sometimes it is still, that’s life… In mine and Anders’ song “phony-burn-song” there’s a line that goes “I love and live, and live and learn of love”…that’s what it’s like for me…

 

This trip to LA really has been a major shift for me… so many beautiful souls came across my path. So many inspiring actors and spiritual people. So much love. And when there was lack of love, the contrast was just unbearable….like during the “mellow days”…Thank you universe for showing me the importance of ACTING OUT OF LOVE!

I love you,

seaturtle