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2016

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We are almost at the end of a 9-year-cycle.

For me, being born in 1980, this is the 4th one coming full circle…

As I was crying last night, going through this past year – which has been one of the toughest ever in so many ways, yet a wonderful magical one – I found myself lost between gratitude and hopelessness…

These last few days it’s like I’ve re-lived everything that has happened, not only this past year, but this whole 9-year-cycle, in a fast-forward-way. One moment super happy, the next one immersed in sorrow…

The conclusion, if any, is that it all needs to go through the system fully, so it can evaporate and resolve, so I have space for the new. But, it also reminds me that I am so much more in contact with how I feel these days, than I was 18 years ago, or even 9 years ago. That is such a treasure!

Through Meisner-technique, yoga, snowboard, surf, theta-healing, becoming a silversmith, painting, playing with my god-children, living in different cultures etc, I have met myself, seen myself, experienced myself more fully. For that I am forever grateful.  I feel free.

I’ve practiced to dare more, to be courageous, to go with the feeling all til the end and sit with and experience whatever’s there… anger, happiness, curiouity, sadness, resentment, joy, fear… the list is endless and I will keep on keeping on until the end… learning more with every breath and through whatever is mirroring me – people, art, mother nature…

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For so many years I was this strong person that could do everything, deal with anything, overcome anything, build up anything, learn everything… I still am, it’s just that today, I have merged that with my super sensitivity more. I trust my intuition, I dare to feel along the way, to surround myself with what makes my heart sing.

I know now, when things feel good, when I’m scared of the unknown but should keep going, when I am not supposed to be somewhere or stop doing something that doesn’t serve me or anyone else anymore…

My soul, spirit, essence, has grown so strong, that whenever I try to go against it, my body resists… that’s why I can move from NY to Stockholm within 5 days… There is a knowing and trust that is physical AND spiritual at the same time… the IS-ness, whether one likes it or not, feels uncomfortable with it or not – IS there! I’ve learnt that surrender and acceptance is key for me…

I truly know and trust on a whole new level now. That trust is a gift. That knowing an asset. They´re treasures. Something magical that cannot be explained. I have lived, I’ve gained these treasures through everything that I cry and laugh about, through everything that has hurt me, everything that has filled me with love… That’s why I cry and laugh within an instant these days…

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As we have the New Moon tonight and as we step into the 1 of a new cycle (next year 2+0+1+7 = 1 + 0 = 1), I made a list last night, of  big and small things, that I wish for my in life. Things that I wish to focus upon for the start of this next 9-year-cycle….

As I read through the list, I realized that there was a common thread, a seed, a core value underneath everything… The quote from Nayyiirah Waheed above, reflects that…

I wish to meet more people on the bridge… people that dare to welcome the unknown, even if it means walking slow short steps with tears in their eyes, they’re still willing to keep going… because there is a knowing and a trust within, playing like a gentle smile upon their face and their eyes sparkle of curiousity and love glitters in their eyes…

2017.

I pray.

May this be the year.

May this 9-year-cycle be laid upon a foundation of extraordinary love.

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